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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206170">stereo/mono</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua'>henriqua</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Angst and Tragedy, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:21:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/henriqua/pseuds/henriqua</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, Beka.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Otabek asks although he knows exactly what Yuri is going to say: this is part of their routine, something that gets repeated drop after drop, yet it still never fails to fill Otabek’s chest with warmth.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you, too, Yura,” Otabek confesses with a small smile.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Otayuri Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>stereo/mono</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for Otayuri Week 2020 Day 2: AU</p>
<p>I've always wanted to write a Pacific Rim AU and I'm really excited I finally did it! Please mind the warnings &amp; tags for this one ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Drifting had never been exceptionally hard for Otabek. Having someone in his head wasn’t exactly comfortable, but he was young when he had mastered the skill of emptying his head (it’s something a therapist taught him when he was fourteen after he had stood in the command center in Sydney’s Shatterdome and watched a category IV Kaiju take down Golden Fury, the Jaeger his parents were piloting).<br/><br/>People always said drifting with him was strange, that the insides of his mind were vast and cold without a single memory in sight, but that’s what made drifting with him so easy: there were no distractions. Otabek himself never cared to delve deeper into the minds of those he drifted with, and his task-focused mindset usually kept the other pilot in check, too.<br/><br/>Drifting was easy until he tried it with Yuri.<br/><br/>Yuri was already in Vladivostok when Otabek arrived with some other cadets nearing the completion of their training. The breach had shown signs of strong activity and they were in a grave need of new pilots. The Shatterdome was a busy, noisy mess, and in the middle of everything was Yuri. He was like a storm, an angry whirlwind with a quick temper and poisonous tongue, and completely unable to hold a conversation in Kwoon. He didn’t want anyone close to him, mentally or physically, and Marshal Feltsman would have kicked him out of the Shatterdome if his simulator scores were something else than practically perfect. He was capable of becoming the greatest Ranger of their time if he just could let someone drift with him.<br/><br/>Otabek was Marshal Feltsman’s only hope since he was famous for being able to initiate drift with anyone. Otabek tried his best in the combat room but the way Yuri pushed and <em>pushed</em> until he pulled away at the last moment drove him crazy. He knew drifting with Yuri would be hard, but he didn’t expect their first attempt to end in an absolute disaster.<br/><br/>No one was sure if they even were drift compatible because Yuri didn’t give anyone a chance to take the lead in Kwoon, and Otabek wasn’t an exception. However, cadets were taken to the simulator on a regular basis to test the drift and their possible compatibility, so Otabek tried to take it as a normal drift exercise.<br/><br/>He didn’t expect to run into tall, looming walls that kept him from reaching out to Yuri. It’s dark and silent, and when Otabek called out Yuri’s name, he got violently thrown out of the drift.<br/><br/>“Stop poking around!” Yuri commanded, anger and frustration in his tone.<br/><br/>“I can’t poke around if you won’t even let me in,” Otabek explained, summoning every ounce of his willpower to keep himself calm. Yuri exhaled harshly through his nose, annoyed because he knew Otabek was right.<br/><br/>Marshal Feltsman was looking over their simulation exercise and if he hadn’t told them to try again, Otabek would have asked for a break: he could see how Yuri tried to keep his hands from shaking and although he wasn’t sure what it meant, it made him uneasy.<br/><br/>They drifted again, and this time Yuri was waiting for Otabek. He stood in front of the walls created to guard him, eyes icy and mouth in a thin line. Otabek held out his hand but Yuri didn’t budge, uncertainty dancing in his features. His gaze dropped to Otabek’s outstretched hand and Otabek took a step closer, careful not to cross the invisible border between their minds - Otabek knew that for the drift to work it should be initiated by Yuri. The darkness in their peripherals was starting to melt together when Yuri’s fingertips finally brushed over the palm of Otabek’s hand, and then everything went white.<br/><br/>Otabek blinked and blinked and <em>blinked</em>, but it was too bright for his eyes to focus properly. He heard laughter and turned around, watching how a woman with long, blonde hair stood on a beach, waving to a man and a young boy playing in the ocean. The sand underneath Otabek’s feet made no sound when he walked to the laughing woman, her green eyes unable to see him there next to her.<br/><br/>A memory.<br/><br/>Upon Otabek’s realization the scenery changed, the beach melding into the ocean and twirling around him. A slight panic was starting to rise into Otabek’s throat and he’s about to scream when a boy stalked past him - the same boy from the previous scene, just a few years older now, messy hair framing a serious face. He looked over his shoulder as if to make sure no one was following him, and the intensity of his eyes was too familiar to Otabek.<br/><br/>The eyes of a soldier before he even became a soldier; greens and blues of the surrounding forest reflecting in his irises, and Otabek followed him although he knew he shouldn’t.<br/><br/>Yuri led him deeper and deeper into the forest, his breathing turning into a fog. The trees were heavy with snow but there’s a tiny path drawn between them like a never-ending winter snake, Yuri seemingly familiar with it. A bright morning sun filtered in through the branches, dyeing Yuri’s hair in different shades of gold and bouncing off the sharp blades of a pair of skates he was carrying with him.<br/><br/>They walked and walked, long enough for Otabek to think he should pull them out of the memory instead of following this younger Yuri, but then he abruptly stopped and Otabek’s breath got caught in his throat. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the frozen lake while Yuri sat down and put his skates on, not even testing the ice before stepping on it. There was a light layer of powder-like snow on top of the ice but it didn’t stop his blades from gliding on it.<br/><br/>It was silent and Otabek couldn’t look away when after a few laps around the lake Yuri started dancing, his hard edges slowly melting away. The Yuri Otabek knew from the future was tough, scowling and rude, his eyes cold as ice, but the boy in front of Otabek looked like he had found peace, his shoulders relaxed and lips in a small, content smile.<br/><br/>Otabek wasn’t blind: he knew Yuri was beautiful inside and out under the stone-cold mask he put on every day, but now he truly saw it for the first time, and for some reason it made his heart hurt. Something had definitely happened for Yuri to forge that facade and put the snowy forest with the frozen lake behind him.<br/><br/>Suddenly the ground shook, snow twirling ferociously in the air around them, and Otabek had a bad feeling he was about to learn what exactly had made Yuri the man he was now.<br/><br/>The powerful quake had forced Yuri down and his head snapped up, eyes scanning the sky visible through the treetops. He cursed under his breath and half-skated, half-ran to the brink of the lake, his fingers shaking as he undid the laces of his skates and reached for his shoes. He struggled with the laces of his left skate, only getting them more tangled in his panicked frenzy, and he kept swearing silently.<br/><br/>Otabek walked to him and crouched down, looking at the horror that had seeped into the green of his eyes. “Yuri.”<br/><br/>Finally Yuri got both of his skates off and he sprung on his feet, skates gathered in one hand as he struggled to get his shoes on. Otabek didn’t dare to touch him, and although a part of him knew Yuri was too deep to come to his senses now, he had to try. “Yuri. It’s just a memory.”<br/><br/>Yuri didn’t hear him, and Otabek didn’t have any other choice but to follow when he took off running, snow whirling under his feet.<br/><br/>They ran through the forest, the early morning sun blinding Otabek. The cold weather turned Yuri’s heavy breathing into white clouds that trailed behind him as he reached the edge of the forest and stumbled down a hill, the powdered snow not heavy enough to stick to his clothes. He scrambled back on his feet, cursing again, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes when another loud rumble boomed over them.<br/><br/>He had dropped one of his skates but didn’t turn around for it. Smoke and dust painted the horizon, a Kaiju emerging from the midst of the deep-grey haze.<br/><br/>Otabek followed Yuri’s lead into a town with gable-roofed houses and tiny back alleys, a tall church with a colorful dome standing proudly in the crossing of cobblestone streets slippery with frozen snow. Somehow the centuries old church was still in one piece when everything around it was misplaced and torn, shops missing their roofs and fences knocked down. People were running around, screaming and crying, but Yuri didn’t stop even when an older lady recognized him and yelled at him not to go there.<br/><br/><em>There</em> being a detour between massive buildings, turning right at a dead end and running along a street lined with houses that looked stomped on. The street itself had deep, enormous holes in it, a small child crying on the edge of one. The Kaiju that had caused all the destruction was shrieking somewhere above them, its slow steps shaking the ground as Yuri finally reached his destination.<br/><br/>He stopped in front of something that once was a two-story house but now had half of it ripped away, the roof collapsed on top of ash and debris.<br/><br/>“No, no, no,” he pleaded between exhausted breaths of air, dropping his remaining skate at the torn gate and rushing into the remains. Otabek walked behind him, stepping over a mailbox with <em>Plisetsky</em> written on its side.<br/><br/>Yuri had ducked under a few rafters and was furiously throwing bricks aside when Otabek reached him. Tears were streaming down his face, smudging a streak of dirt going across his cheek. His entire body was shaking but Otabek knew it wasn’t from the cold, and he started to panic a little himself, too: he had to get them out.<br/><br/>“Yuri-”, he tried, but at the same moment someone else called his name as well.<br/><br/>Both Yuri and Otabek turned around to see where the voice had come from. Otabek was frozen on his spot as he looked Yuri crawl on his knees to a woman laying on the ground, trapped under several layers of what used to be their home. She had strikingly green eyes and long hair with the same color as Yuri’s, a wound on her head still bleeding down her face.<br/><br/>Despite everything a soft smile spread on her face when Yuri took her hand, sobbing miserably. “M-mama.”<br/><br/>“Yurachka, my darling. I’m so happy to see you.”<br/><br/>“Mama, I- I’m gonna get you out of here,” he said, wiping heavy tears out of his eyes. “You and papa, and dedushka, too.”<br/><br/>“Oh, my angel. It might be too late for that,” she said, her voice wavering. Her hold of Yuri’s hand was getting weaker and Yuri grabbed her with both of his hands, fear painting over his expression.<br/><br/>“I promise, I’ll get you help, I will, mama, just-”<br/><br/>“Yuri, look at me,” his mother said, voice so gentle and full of love that Otabek couldn’t help but think of his own parents. He turned his gaze down to the ground when Yuri locked eyes with his mother, squeezing her hand way harder than necessary. “You’re strong, I know you are, but please… please stay safe, my soldier.”<br/><br/>“Mama,” Yuri forced out as his mother’s eyes fluttered closed, teardrops clinging to her long eyelashes. She was unable to hold her son’s hand anymore but Yuri didn’t let go, screaming in heart-wrenching agony that brought tears into Otabek’s eyes, too. He got on his feet, shaky and unbalanced, supporting himself on a fallen rafter as he tried to gain control over his heavy breathing.<br/><br/>“Yuri. This isn’t real, not anymore. Let go, please. It’s nothing but a memory. Mem-”<br/><br/>Another loud rumble cut Otabek off and he looked up, the distant whirring of helicopters sending shivers down his back. Ash and dust danced in the air, covering the sun completely, and a deafening screech of metal shook the scenery.<br/><br/>“No, no, <em>no</em>,” Yuri mumbled, his eyes squeezed shut. He was smaller and more afraid than Otabek had ever seen him before, but when a Jaeger dressed in copper and steel stepped over them, Otabek tried to see higher instead of reaching down for Yuri.<br/><br/>It was Golden Fury; it was Otabek’s parents, still alive and breathing inside that machine, and Otabek was ready to give anything to get even a glimpse of them. His throat felt narrow and when he tried to walk he fell on his knees, every part of his body suddenly too heavy to move. Otabek blinked, forced himself to keep his vision clear, but slowly everything turned white, light blue, purple, black…<br/><br/>“You fucker!” Otabek snapped his eyes open, the drifting simulator’s control panel blinking in front of him. He was covered in cold sweat, his heart beating crazily in his chest, and next to him Yuri ripped himself free of the spinal clamp rig, violently throwing his helmet on the floor. “I fucking told you to stop poking around!”<br/><br/>Tears were streaming down his face, and he kicked the door open with enough force to make the hinges whine. He stormed away, yelling at someone who dared to try to stop him.<br/><br/>Otabek let out a deep sigh, leaned back and closed his eyes. He was more than exhausted, his every muscle aching, and it took all his remaining willpower to forget the sight of Golden Fury in the tiny Russian town Yuri grew up in.<br/><br/>“Altin, are you alright?” Marshal Feltsman’s flat tone of voice filled Otabek’s ears. He nodded, realized Marshal probably didn’t see that, and cleared his throat.<br/><br/>“I’m fine, sir.”<br/><br/>“What on Earth happened?”<br/><br/>“The drift was… unsuccessful, sir,” Otabek said, slowly moving his fingers to gain his energy back.<br/><br/>“I suppose Yuri let you in but was unable to control it,” Marshal Feltsman said, a hint of disappointment slipping into his words. “At least you tried. I’ll talk to him, Altin. You don’t have to worry about this.”<br/><br/>“With all due respect, sir,” Otabek said, sounding braver than he truly felt. “I think I should be the one to talk to him.”<br/><br/>/<br/><br/>The walk to the sleeping quarters felt longer than it really was. Otabek was grateful he didn’t run into anyone on his way: it was dinner time, and the Shatterdome’s residents were always hungry. Although it had been hours since Otabek last ate, he was certain even the sight of food would make him nauseous. What he mostly wanted was sleep, but he walked past his room and headed to the end of the corridor.<br/><br/>Most of the cadets slept in shared rooms, but Yuri had been in Vladivostok for so long he had managed to claim a single room for himself. Otabek stopped in front of the door he knew was Yuri’s, braced himself and knocked on it, the metal clattering under his touch. The sound echoed through the hallway, and Otabek felt a headache forming in the back of his skull.<br/><br/>Yuri opened the door after what felt like hours. He looked as bad as Otabek felt: he wasn’t crying anymore but his eyes were red, his skin was pale, and he had pulled his hair into a messy ponytail. He had changed into clothing that hung loosely on his frame, and he didn’t have any socks on.<br/><br/>“Hi,” Otabek started.<br/><br/>Yuri shut the door to his face without saying anything.<br/><br/>Otabek sighed and rapped his knuckles against the door again. “Yuri.”<br/><br/>“Leave me alone,” Yuri said from the other side of the door. After a moment of hesitation, he added, “please.”<br/><br/>“I think we need to talk,” Otabek explained to the door.<br/><br/>“I don’t wanna talk.”<br/><br/>“It’s either me or Marshal Feltsman.”<br/><br/>“I don’t wanna talk with you or Marshal, so save your breath.”<br/><br/>Otabek exhaled heavily and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted to his bones, and the last thing he needed was Yuri’s childish attitude. However, he had decided they needed to talk, so he was going to talk.<br/><br/>He sat down in front of the door, leaning his back on it and closing his eyes. “You know, my parents were Rangers. They started here in Vladivostok, so this is where I grew up. It has changed a lot in the years I’ve been away, though - my parents were deployed to Sydney when I was thirteen, so me and my siblings moved with them.”<br/><br/>Otabek didn’t know if Yuri was even listening to him, but at that point he didn’t really care. He paused, allowing himself to see his parents’ faces in his mind before continuing. “I was way more into K-science back then, and didn’t want to become a Ranger until my parents passed. It was- I was more frustrated than anything, because I could do nothing but watch.”<br/><br/>“It was Spinejackal, wasn’t it?” Yuri’s tiny voice coming from the other side of the door snapped Otabek’s eyes open. “The one that took them down, I mean.”<br/><br/>“It was,” Otabek said, hating the sadness in his own voice. He forced his parents out of his head, focusing on the fact Yuri had listened to him and, despite everything, didn’t sound that angry anymore.<br/><br/>“I saw it on the news. I was really mad because it was the Jaeger that came to help when-,” Yuri went silent but only for a moment, clearing his throat. “When my town was attacked. I didn’t know they were your parents until now.”<br/><br/>Otabek hummed, thinking how the two of them had a shared experience of watching their parents die in front of their eyes, and although it definitely wasn’t something Otabek had wished to bond over with Yuri, for some reason he felt like it helped both of them understand the other.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry,” Yuri mumbled suddenly, his voice so quiet Otabek almost missed it. He frowned, and a cadet he didn’t know walked past him and gave him a weird look. He didn’t really have the energy to care.<br/><br/>“You don’t have to be.”<br/><br/>“I know it was my fault the drift simulator went to shit. I haven’t let anyone in my head because I know I can’t get those memories out of my mind. They fucking haunt me all the time and I had given up on becoming a pilot altogether when Marshal told me he wants me to try drifting with you.” Yuri let out a humorless laugh that failed to hide the tears in his voice. “It was my last chance and I fucking blew it. I chased the goddamn rabbit like no tomorrow.”<br/><br/>“Your first drift is supposed to be scary.”<br/><br/>“It’s always scary.”<br/><br/>“Why?”<br/><br/>Yuri took a moment and Otabek didn’t pressure him. They sat there in silence, on opposite sides of Yuri’s door, Shatterdome’s electricity whirring around them. Otabek closed his eyes again and calmed his breathing down - talking about his parents always made his chest feel hollow, sorrow crawling between his ribs and choking him. He chased the feeling away by focusing on the small rustle of movement coming from Yuri’s side of the door.<br/><br/>“To be able to drift you have to trust your co-pilot,” Yuri said like he was quoting a textbook. “I don’t trust anyone to get into my head and see all the shit I can’t push away. It makes me look weak and that’s just disgusting.”<br/><br/>Otabek smiled to himself, but didn’t dare to laugh. The last thing he would call Yuri was weak. “But you let me see it.”<br/><br/>“As if I had a choice! Fuck, I didn’t even realize I was chasing the rabbit until your parents’ Jaeger appeared and I rationalized it couldn’t be real because that-”<br/><br/>“That Jaeger isn’t piloted anymore.”<br/><br/>“Exactly.”<br/><br/>“But you were strong enough to pull us both out of it,” Otabek said. He knew his tone wasn’t anywhere near encouraging, but knowing how deep they were in Yuri’s memories, it was exceptional that he was the one to break the drift and get them out with neither of them getting trapped. “And now I’ve seen it all.”<br/><br/>“Now you’ve seen it all,” Yuri parroted with a sigh of defeat that got muffled by the door between them. He probably felt embarrassed and humiliated that someone he barely knew had seen what Otabek had: the vulnerability he tried so hard to hide, and how the war against Kaijus had made him lose everything, too, forcing him to start over all alone.<br/><br/>If anything, Otabek now completely understood why Yuri acted as cold and bitter as he did. He was more than convinced Yuri would become the best Ranger the PPDC had ever had if he would realize just how exceptional he was - or if he had someone who’d tell him that every day until he believed it.<br/><br/>“So you have nothing to be afraid of anymore,” Otabek stated, and he swore he could feel the questioning, almost judging look Yuri shot at him through the door. “Would you trust me enough to try it again? Drifting with me.”<br/><br/>/ / / /<br/><br/>A blaring, ear-piercing alarm wakes Otabek up. He screws his eyes shut but keeps listening, breathing deeply in and out to calm himself down, his heart beating crazily over the sudden wake-up call.<br/><br/>April Rogue, <em>report to Bay 05, level A-33</em>. Golden Fury, <em>report to Bay 02, level A-64. Kaiju, double event. Code names:</em> Emberclaw, Downfall. <em>Category four. 2,900 tons each</em>.<br/><br/>Next to him Yuri groans, long and whiny. One glance at the electronic clock on the bedside table tells Otabek it’s barely 5am, which means they have gotten approximately three and a half hours of sleep.<br/><br/>“Don’t those fuckers know about office hours?” Yuri mumbles when Otabek forces himself on his feet and turns on the lamp standing in the corner of their room. Warm, yellow light fills the room, revealing Yuri still lying in their shared bed, an arm thrown over his eyes. His other arm is stretched out, reaching for his tags from the table on his side of the bed where he threw them a few hours ago to get them out of the way.<br/><br/>“Time passes differently in the Breach,” Otabek states, padding to their small kitchenette for a glass of water. He can almost feel the annoyed eye roll Yuri gives at his words.<br/><br/>“Smartass,” Yuri says as he gets out of bed, his tags now secured around his neck. On his way to the bathroom he stops to press a quick kiss on the corner of Otabek’s mouth, and Otabek doesn’t even try to hide his happy smile.<br/><br/>After their first attempt at drifting ended in a disaster, Marshal Feltsman was reluctant to give them a second chance. In the end they managed to convince him that it was actually never really proven were they drift compatible or not, and with a deep sigh of defeat Marshal arranged them another simulator session.<br/><br/>Something had changed between them after their first time in the simulator. Yuri was still wary of him, and Otabek understood his reasons, but when two days after their first drift they sneaked out to Kwoon at night, Yuri wasn’t pulling away. He met Otabek in the middle and actually tried to listen to what he was telling him, answering to his cues instead of instantly shutting him down. Before that sparring with Yuri had been almost as exhausting as trying to drift with him, but in the end they spent hours in the combat room, silent yet still talking.<br/><br/>In their second drift attempt their Neural Handshake was strong and held through the whole simulation, and eventually both of them got so excited the drift crumbled on the same second the Kaiju made out of pixels fell to the ground, defeated and bleeding. Marshal Feltsman was looking over their exercise, unable to fight the smile that climbed on his usually serious face.<br/><br/>A month and several successful simulator drops later Marshal Feltsman was once again finding it hard to stay expressionless when he got the honor to promote them to Rangers. There was a mysterious half-smile on his lips when he took them down to the maintenance bay where they were greeted by Golden Fury, the Jaeger Otabek’s parents piloted; the Jaeger who Otabek thought had been destroyed after his parents’ death.<br/><br/>“She definitely looks as beautiful as she did back in the day,” the head engineer of the team said, “and we were fortunate enough to work with some original parts. Most of the tech has been renewed and upgraded, and we were able to increase mobility and accuracy. The inside of the Conn-Pod has obviously been remodeled to match all her new features, but we tried to keep it as close to the original as possible after we heard who were reconstructing her for.”<br/><br/>The engineer gave a wide, encouraging smile over his shoulder to Otabek and Yuri as they walked down the rattling catwalk to the Conn-Pod, and Otabek was fighting against tears. They stood in the middle of the Conn-Pod, the head engineer talking their ears off, and Otabek remembered how he used to run around the same space when he was younger, chasing his siblings in a game of tag; he remembered his father showing him all the technology the Jaeger held, pride in his tone; he remembered his parents ushering him out of there on the day of their last fight, his mother placing a kiss on top of his head and telling him they’d be back soon.<br/><br/>Otabek never got a proper chance to say goodbye, but standing inside Golden Fury’s Conn-Pod felt like a part of his parents had came back to greet him.<br/><br/>They did multiple test runs, getting used to the machine around them. Piloting a real Jaeger was completely different compared to simulation exercises: their limbs felt heavier, the control panel was wider and they had more weapons and attacks to master. It really was just them and the machine, yet somehow Otabek knew everything would be alright if he just had Yuri there, right next to him.<br/><br/>They spent hours in the command center, watching April Rogue’s fights before eventually joining them. April Rogue was Vladivostok’s most successful Jaeger, piloted by Yuuri Katsuki and Viktor Nikiforov. The duo had been piloting together since they were cadets, and they were responsible for taking down eight out of eight Kaijus that had tried to reach the city in the last two years. They truly fought together like the Jaeger was piloted by one person instead of two, and although Yuri pretended to hate them because they had looked after him in the Shatterdome, providing backup for them was an honor.<br/><br/>Their first solo mission ended in a quick and clean kill despite happening only three months after their first attempt at drifting. Marshal Feltsman said they were exactly what Vladivostok needed and when they got back to their sleeping quarters afterwards, Yuri pulled Otabek into his room and kissed him.<br/><br/>They got moved to the Rangers’ quarters a week after that, and for some reason absolutely no one was surprised when they went for a room without a bunk bed.<br/><br/>When Otabek thinks about it now, three years later, he probably fell for Yuri the moment they unsuccessfully sparred in the combat room for the very first time. Yuri was strong in the way no one else was, and Otabek found it interesting and kind of infatuating. Yuri is still strong, but now Otabek knows he has his vulnerabilities, too, and that only makes him more incredible.<br/><br/>“We’re gonna be late,” Yuri says as he kicks the bathroom door open and sees Otabek is still standing by the kitchen sink in nothing but loose joggers. Yuri has already braided his hair, always doing it quicker than what should be humanly possible, and he stalks past Otabek, picking up clothes from the floor, thrown there in a lust-filled frenzy just a few hours back. He tosses a black T-shirt to Otabek and gives him an unimpressed look.<br/><br/>Otabek pulls the shirt on and within a minute they’re out of the door, heading down the corridor to the elevators. Halfway there team April Rogue joins them, Katsuki giving them a yawn as a greeting. He’s seemingly struggling with waking up while his co-pilot is basically bursting with energy, eyes shining in excitement.<br/><br/>“Downfall’s back,” he says as he hits the button to summon their elevator. “This time it won’t slip from us!”<br/><br/>A few weeks back April Rogue managed to keep the Kaiju threatening the city out of its streets, but after a ferocious battle the badly wounded monster retreated, disappearing before they were able to kill it. Nikiforov had been so frustrated over it he was in a bad mood for a week straight, filled with revenge.<br/><br/>For the Shatterdome’s inner peace Otabek hopes April Rogue has a successful fight this time.<br/><br/>“See you on the other side, kids!” Nikiforov says when they board their respective elevators, next to him Katsuki waving his hand to them lazily.<br/><br/>“Be careful not to get hurt, old man,” Yuri shoots back, laughing when the elevator doors slide shut, leaving Nikiforov’s scandalized face behind them.<br/><br/>Level A-64 in bay two is already brimming with people running around, yelling directions at each other when Otabek and Yuri arrive. They head straight to the Drivesuit room and are immediately surrounded by technicians and their assistants, ready to suit them up in the same routine they always do. A cold chill runs down Otabek’s back when the spinal clamp is attached, and he has to roll his shoulders to get rid of the weird feeling, finding it ridiculous he’s still not used to all of this. Next to him Yuri huffs out a laugh at his reaction and Otabek shoots an annoyed glare to his direction before putting his helmet on.<br/><br/>Yuri is still smiling when they make their way to the Conn-Pod and take their places, Otabek on the right and Yuri on the left. The techs do their final adjustments before wishing them good luck and latching the cockpit’s door shut.<br/><br/>“Good morning, boys!” Mila greets them through the radio, sounding as energetic and chipper as she always does despite the early morning.<br/><br/>“Good morning, Mila,” Otabek says as he activates the radio, confirming the connection works like it should.<br/><br/>“How’s Sara doing?” Nikiforov joins them from bay five.<br/><br/>“Sara’s doing wonderfully, thank you for asking! Her brother still hates me, though.”<br/><br/>“Her brother hates everyone, doesn’t he?” Katsuki wonders, sounding way more awake now than he did five minutes earlier.<br/><br/>“I just wish he’d like me,” Mila says, definitely pouting in her end at the command center. “I am likeable, right?”<br/><br/>“Well, actually-”, Yuri starts.<br/><br/>“It’s 5am and you’re still gonna be mean to me? Have some respect for your seniors,” Mila interrupts him, sighing dramatically. “Anyway, we’re here to do some work. Marshal Feltsman and Dr. Baranovskaya on deck, so you all better behave. Engaging drop.”<br/><br/>“April Rogue ready for drop,” Nikiforov confirms through the radio. Otabek and Yuri change a look, a smirk pulling at the corner of Otabek’s mouth as he reaches for the radio switch.<br/><br/>“Golden Fury ready for drop.”<br/><br/>Mila keeps chattering in the background, going through the necessary commands as both teams have their Conn-Pods secured on the rest of their Jaegers. Otabek closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm himself down and clear his mind, knowing exactly what’s coming next. He relaxes his shoulders and stretches his neck, nerve-endings within him buzzing when Golden Fury’s AI takes over the small space they share.<br/><br/><em>“Pilot-to-pilot connection protocol sequence.”</em><br/><br/>The machine around them whirrs and starts moving as they’re wheeled out of the Shatterdome. The sun is slowly rising in the horizon, its first rays so bright they’re almost blinded. Otabek can almost feel the annoyance radiating off Yuri, and he understands: visibility in such conditions could become a problem.<br/><br/>They hit the water and Otabek opens his eyes, watching Yuri check through their control panel, his fingers flying over the commands in a practiced ease. “Golden Fury ready and aligned, ma’am.”<br/><br/>“Prepare for Neural Handshake, starting in 15 seconds,” Mila says, beginning her countdown.<br/><br/>Next to Otabek Yuri leans back and looks at him, the green of his eyes striking even in the orange glow of their control panel. “Hey, Beka.”<br/><br/>“Yeah?” Otabek asks although he knows exactly what Yuri is going to say: this is part of their routine, something that gets repeated drop after drop, yet it still never fails to fill Otabek’s chest with warmth.<br/><br/>“I love you.”<br/><br/>“I love you, too, Yura,” Otabek confesses with a small smile as Mila reaches the end of the countdown and their AI keeps talking in the background.<br/><br/><em>“Neural Handshake initiated.”</em><br/><br/>Otabek sees a younger version himself running through a tulip field back in Kazakhstan, his mother scooping him up on her arms and placing kisses on his cheeks, his father laughing next to her. The memory becomes blurry on the edges and turns into a snowy forest, Yuri skating on the frozen lake, blades gliding soundlessly on the gray ice. He spins and the scenery changes into the Vladivostok Shatterdome; Sydney, Vladivostok, <em>Sydney</em>. Spinejackal takes down Golden Fury and someone faceless next to Otabek tells him to close his eyes. The Jaeger crashes into the sea, the waves growing bigger and bigger until they turn into a collapsed house somewhere in Russia, Yuri holding his mother’s hand and fighting back sobs so hard it hurts. His mother’s eyes flutter closed and he wails, and wails, and wails; yells at Otabek to stop poking around, both of them strapped into the drifting simulator, Otabek’s patience running thin. Otabek blinks and they’re in Kwoon, both of them breathing heavily after an hour of non-stop sparring, the bright green of Yuri’s eyes shining in the dim room, making Otabek’s heart stutter in his chest. He looks away, a realization hitting him, and sees them standing inside Golden Fury’s new Conn-Pod for the first time, Yuri hiding a smile behind a curtain of blond hair. He’s still smiling as they walk down a corridor that’s slowly becoming fuzzy at the edges, everything becoming blurry when he pulls Otabek into his room and kisses him again, and again, and again…<br/><br/>Yuri is there, on the border where their consciousnesses meet, holding his hand out for him. Otabek takes his hand without hesitation, intertwines their fingers and squeezes to make sure Yuri really is there. Yuri laughs because of course he is there, he’ll always be there for him, and Otabek knows they’ll be alright.<br/><br/>Otabek opens his eyes, feeling like his every sense has gone from mono to stereo: his field of vision is wide and he sees everything clearly, every sound around him is defined, and strange but not entirely unfamiliar force streams through his veins. That alone is enough to tell him the drift is successful because Yuri is in his system, his overwhelming excitement trying to settle down with Otabek’s own, more patient energy.<br/><br/>“Neural Handshake strong and holding in both teams,” Mila announces through the radio, a hint of pride in her tone.<br/><br/>“You know what your goal is, gentlemen,” Marshal Feltsman joins the conversation. “No Kaijus in the city.”<br/><br/>“Downfall is already familiar with April Rogue, and that makes it even more dangerous. It has definitely adapted to some of your techniques, so use calculated attacks,” Dr. Baranovskaya, the head scientist of Vladivostok’s K-Science lab says. She’s usually present when there’s activity in the Breach, since gathering data of Kaijus they have no records of is vital for her department.<br/><br/>“Yes, ma’am,” both of April Rogue’s pilots answer. Everybody knows it would be better for Golden Fury to take on Downfall, but April Rogue’s personal grudge with the monster is too great for them to let anyone else fight with it.<br/><br/>“We don’t know much of Emberclaw, but it’s safe to assume it won’t lose to other category fours. Expect high toxicity, high intelligence and great speed,” Dr. Baranovskaya continues, her voice strict and purely analytical.<br/><br/>“Yes, ma’am,” Otabek and Yuri agree as they leave the Shatterdome behind them, the ocean around them still eerily calm.<br/><br/>“As if the name didn’t suggest anything,” Yuri’s voice echoes in their shared Headspace, and Otabek clears his throat to hide a snicker. The name implies some claws, but that’s not something they haven’t seen and fought before. Every Kaiju is an individual when they emerge from the Breach, but in the end they’re just copies of each other, and that’s how the two of them try to approach their fights: with caution, without panic.<br/><br/>The rays of the early morning sun dance on the water when it starts to slowly ripple, waves growing between the two Jaegers and the city of Vladivostok.<br/><br/>“Movement at two o’clock. Two signatures on the radar,” Mila says although all of them see it in their own radars. April Rogue speeds up to get ahead of the Kaijus while Golden Fury slows down and takes position, their eyes on the figures moving fast on the radar’s screen.<br/><br/>Staying back and taking a few seconds to observe the situation instead of immediately engaging was originally Otabek’s way of fighting, and at first it drove Yuri absolutely crazy. That’s where their natures clash the most: Yuri is the kind of person to act first and think later, while Otabek is the exact opposite. With time approaching slowly became their trademark, but it definitely tested their patience and trust before both of them were comfortable with it.<br/><br/>Now it feels like the most natural way to go in. They’re silent, breathing synced, as they watch Kaijus break the surface of the ocean, wild eyes glowing as the monsters take in their surroundings. Heavily built Downfall recognizes April Rogue instantly, rising on its thick legs and screeching before swinging one pair of arms at the Jaeger, its split-end tail sweeping from the side, ready for another attack. The other Kaiju studies Golden Fury with three pairs of eyes, standing taller than the machine in front of it. Just like its friend, Emberclaw has four arms, each of them ending in three sharp claws looking like massive knives. Its skin looks like sturdy leather, expanding all the way to its two tails that split into an endless row of spikes.<br/><br/>The Kaiju cranes its long neck to have a better look at the Jaeger, stepping closer almost gracefully and Yuri hums, thoughtful. He doesn’t have to say anything aloud for Otabek to know what he’s thinking, because he hears his voice clearly in his head.<br/><br/>“Weak points are probably in the throat or underbelly, or both. It moves like some sort of small reptile, so it probably attacks fast, too.”<br/><br/>Emberclaw seems kind of confused by the unmoving Jaeger, and they use that for their advantage. They stay put for a few more seconds, letting the monster bring itself within their reach distance before they charge at its head, first from the right and then from the left. The Kaiju screams in surprise and anger and jumps forward, clawing at Golden Fury’s chest. They move sideways and Emberclaw loses its balance for a second, giving them an opportunity to land a punch on the back of its neck.<br/><br/>“Behind you!” Katsuki’s voice suddenly yells through the communicating system, but it’s too late: one of Emberclaw’s tails has sneaked behind the machine, slamming against their back with force. Yuri spits out a curse but moves fast to shift their weight, keeping the Jaeger on its feet. Otabek follows easily with the flow of Yuri’s movements, grabbing the tail closest to them and holding it tightly while Yuri reaches for their control panel and activates the circular saws hidden underneath Golden Fury’s lower arm plates.<br/><br/>Otabek cuts one of Emberclaw’s tails off, a shower of blue liquid spilling into the sea. It makes the water bubble like it was boiling, and although Kaiju Blue in itself is toxic, the reaction is different to what they’ve seen before.<br/><br/>“Could it be some sort of acid?” Otabek wonders out loud.<br/><br/>“In its bloodstream? Shit,” Yuri says, stepping around the pool of blue. Emberclaw is screaming at them in agony and frustration, retreating only to jump forward, targeting Golden Fury’s Conn-Pod. They raise their right arm to shield themselves, the Kaiju’s claws scarring the metal. It sinks its teeth into the armor, biting through like it was flesh, a shock of pain hitting the pilots. The burn makes Otabek scream and see white for a moment, and he tries to shake the Kaiju off, his scrambling only making its hold stronger.<br/><br/>Otabek feels panic in his throat and he inhales deeply, recognizing the distressed feelings coming from Yuri. Fortunately his co-pilot is famous for acting faster than thinking, and he has charged their left-side Plasmacaster and shot Emberclaw with it twice before Otabek manages to reach out to him. The Kaiju falls backwards into the sea from the impact, letting go of their right arm.<br/><br/>“Are you alright?”<br/><br/>“It’s just a scratch. Nothing’s broken,” Otabek reassures, moving his fingers to make sure everything is working like it should. His arm aches and there are tears in Golden Fury’s armor, but apparently they’re still connected to the mechanics.<br/><br/>“I can feel it’s not just a scratch, idiot,” Yuri scolds him, but the huge wave of fear that almost engulfed him is gone. He’s tapping on the control panel, recalibrating the right arm to find out the extent of the damage. “We’re going with the left side first, alright.”<br/><br/>“No, we’re not,” Otabek is quick to say, frowning. His arm isn’t broken, and the Kaiju didn’t have enough time to poison anything, so there’s no reason to change their attacking tactic.<br/><br/>“Functionality is at 50%,” Yuri states, and Otabek takes a look at the control panel, data running on the screens splayed in front of them. He reads the functionality report and sighs in defeat, swiping it away and out of sight.<br/><br/>“Fine. But don’t think I’ll just stand here.”<br/><br/>“Keep that arm out of its reach and I’ll be happy,” Yuri says, a small smile on his lips although his focus is on the radar. Emberclaw had sunk beneath the waves but its signal is still visible, meaning it’s still alive.<br/><br/>“Golden Fury, can we get a status update?” Marshal Feltsman asks through the radio, his words only a tiny bit hurried.<br/><br/>“Got hit on the right side but we still have some functionality left there. Kaiju signal is still strong, unfortunately,” Otabek says, his eyes studying the information they keep receiving from the Shatterdome. Their radar is still following Emberclaw, its beeping telling them the Kaiju has recovered and is about to emerge again.<br/><br/>The sun has gotten higher on the sky, covering the awakening Vladivostok behind their backs in warm light. Somewhere between Golden Fury and the city April Rogue has gotten the upper hand over Downfall, some of the Kaiju’s wounds slowing it down significantly.<br/><br/>“It’s coming from the right,” Yuri says just before Emberclaw reappears, the one tail it has left whipping them on the side. The hit forces them to take a few steps back and the monster moves fast around them, teeth bared as it targets their right side once more.<br/><br/>Yuri predicts its attack and slams Golden Fury’s left elbow over the Kaiju’s spine, the weight of the Jaeger making it miss them altogether. It slips from their hold, however, and bounces against the Conn-Pod, claws scratching at the glass.<br/><br/>“Fuck!” Yuri yells, and Otabek can only agree. It hurts to raise his right arm but he does it anyway, and they use all their strength to push Emberclaw out of their face. Pain prickles down Otabek’s whole right side and he groans, annoyed. He knows Yuri knows he’s in pain, has probably felt it just like he does, so he doesn’t even try to hide it.<br/><br/>They turn sideways, left arm raised to keep the Kaiju’s claws away from the damaged Conn-Pod, and Otabek reaches for the communicator switch.<br/><br/>“Golden Fury requesting backup, I repeat, request-”<br/><br/>Otabek is cut off by Emberclaw wrapping its clawed hands around their left arm to keep them from moving as its spiked tail pierces right through the Conn-Pod. Glass and metal fly around, shards litter the floor beneath their feet, and agonizing pain takes over Otabek’s every cell. It hurts too much to even scream, and he almost doesn’t notice the wavering energy flowing in his fingertips until Golden Fury moves, his right arm getting ready for an attack.<br/><br/>“Finish it!” Yuri yells - Otabek isn’t sure if he’s really yelling, or is he reaching out in their shared Headspace - and Otabek’s vision clears. Their right-side Plasmacaster is already fully charged and Emberclaw is still holding onto them, too engrossed in its task to destroy the Conn-Pod to pay attention to its surroundings. Otabek punches the Kaiju into its throat and proceeds to empty the clip, shooting even when the monster falls into a lake of its own blue blood and sinks.<br/><br/>It’s quiet for a moment and then their radio crackles, somehow still working. Electricity is sparking around Otabek, the front of the Conn-Pod completely ruined. The protective glass isn’t there anymore, and most of their control panel screens have disappeared, the only somewhat intact one hovering on the left wall, used by Yuri to charge the right-side Plasmacaster and now blinking pathetically in and out of connection.<br/><br/>Every part of Otabek’s body is aching, especially his right arm that took some damage earlier in the fight, but he thinks he’s in one piece. He lets out a sigh of relief and searches for Yuri, his blood going cold when he looks to his left.<br/><br/>Yuri is still attached to the spinal clamp rig just like Otabek is, but it’s the only thing keeping him standing. There’s a wound in his abdomen, his own blood and something strikingly blue oozing out of it. Otabek realizes his head is empty, it’s silent, and he’s shaking when he frees himself from the spinal clamp rig and hurries to Yuri’s side, removing his own helmet and throwing it away before reaching for Yuri’s own.<br/><br/>His rational mind tells him Emberclaw’s tail must have hit Yuri when it broke through the Conn-Pod, and Otabek yells at his mind to shut up.<br/><br/>“Yura,” he whispers, bringing his hands to each side of Yuri’s face. He’s gone pale, strands of blond hair have escaped from his braid, and when he slowly blinks his eyes open Otabek’s knees almost give out on him.<br/><br/>Otabek undoes the latches on Yuri’s spinal clamp rig and helps him down, basically supporting his whole weight as they collapse on the floor. He gets Yuri on his back and wishes he had something to use for the wound. He takes off his gloves and presses them on the wound, pulling back with a hiss when it burns like fire.<br/><br/>“Acid,” Yuri says before Otabek’s head manages to wrap around it. He coughs and blood paints his lips. “Emberclaw had acid in its bloodstream. Its claws and spikes were attached to the bloodstream. Kaiju biology.”<br/><br/>“Don’t talk, baby,” Otabek pleads, refusing to understand Yuri’s words. He looks away from the wound and swallows down the tears burning in his throat, using his thumb to swipe the blood gathered in the corner of Yuri’s mouth. He doesn’t even want to think what kind of excruciating pain Yuri must be in when a brief touch over the blue that has stained his drivesuit left burns on Otabek’s fingertips. “Don’t exhaust yourself.”<br/><br/>“Beka,” Yuri breathes out, his voice hoarse. He’s reaching up with his hand and Otabek takes the hand, placing a kiss on the back of it.<br/><br/>“Shh,” he hushes, maybe more to himself, trying to calm down. “They’re coming to get us. They’ll be here any minute now and you’ll get help. Just keep your eyes open for me, okay? You’ll be fine, Yura, I promise.”<br/><br/>“Beka,” Yuri says again, a small smile spreading on his lips. He squeezes Otabek’s hand weakly and blinks, the color of his eyes dulled with gray. “I love you.”<br/><br/>Otabek’s tears fall on Yuri’s cheeks and he apologizes for them, drying them without being able to stop crying, trying to reply to Yuri’s gentle smile but not really succeeding. “I love you, too, Yura. So, so much.”<br/><br/>To Otabek, Yuri isn’t just a co-pilot or a lover. Yuri is his partner, his best friend, and the only person who’s seen his worst nightmares and still stayed. Despite being easy to drift with, Otabek had never trusted anyone before Yuri, and he knows for a fact he’s the first and only person Yuri has ever trusted. Piloting with Yuri became quickly as easy as falling in love with him, and in all honesty Otabek doesn’t know how to tell Yuri just how much he means to him, so he keeps whispering <em>I love you</em> over and over again as tears stream down his face.<br/><br/>“Don’t cry.” Yuri’s laugh turns into a coughing fit that leaves his chest heaving, pain taking over his expression. The wound in his stomach isn’t actively bleeding anymore but both of them know the poisonous acid has already spread, the damage inside Yuri’s body worsening every passing second.<br/><br/>Otabek still can’t hear the whirring of helicopters sent out to fetch them and containing his panic gets harder - where is everybody? Why aren’t they coming for them? What happened to April Rogue and Downfall? The last time Otabek saw the other Jaeger they were winning their fight right by their side, only a few steps away. Why can’t he hear <em>anything</em>? <br/><br/>Otabek tucks loose strands of hair behind Yuri’s ears and brushes a thumb over the pain-induced frown on his face, praying he could actually do something about it. Beads of sweat have gathered on his forehead and he’s shivering despite Otabek holding him close to his own body.<br/><br/>“No, no, <em>no</em>,” Otabek sobs when Yuri lets out a deep sigh and his eyes stay closed, his hold of Otabek’s hand loosening a little. “Yuri, please. Look at me. Can you hear me? Please open your eyes.”<br/><br/>“Beka.” It’s clear to Otabek it takes every last ounce of Yuri’s strength for him to say anything. He opens his eyes but he’s seemingly struggling, his gaze half-lidded and hazy. “It’ll be alright. You will be alright. You’re a hero, after all. My hero.”<br/><br/>“Yura, please. <em>Please</em>.”<br/><br/>Maybe it will be alright, maybe he will be alright, but Otabek doesn’t care, because nothing matters if he won’t have Yuri with him. Maybe they’ll win the war, maybe they’ll lose; maybe one day Otabek will run out of tears, maybe he’ll drown in them. Maybe he will stop thinking about the fact that Yuri was determined to finish their last battle together despite being severely injured because that way he could be sure Otabek wouldn’t get hurt.<br/><br/>Otabek places a soft kiss tasting like salt on Yuri’s lips, his heart sinking when Yuri smiles as his eyes flutter close.<br/><br/>“Beka,” he says, and it’s slow and gentle, and Yuri’s voice is so small Otabek barely hears it, but it’s loaded with so much love Otabek can’t stop wailing. He holds Yuri against his chest and listens to him breathe out, in, out.<br/><br/>Inside his head it’s silent and empty, and Otabek is all alone with it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I actually lost so much sleep when I was in the planning stage of this because I kept thinking about it and crying :') also the stuff about Kaiju biology is totally made up, let's call it artistic freedom.</p>
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